Hello, Leo here.
Its been a while since I spoke up so thought I would stick my two cents worth in.
are we doing around here? Pretty good - - except for some days--. A
few weeks ago she tried again to read Joan Didion's book, "The Year of
Magical Thinking" and she just could not do it. She told a friend, " I
am done with that. She is talking about how I feel - - so I have no
doubts about the truth of what she is saying - but I don't need to read
it from her - when I am feeling it for myself."
this "magical thinking?" she is talking about. As best I can see it -
its thinking something will happen that can't - - like maybe Jim will be
in the house when she comes home. Saturday night she went to hear
storyteller Bobby Norfolk in his program for Telling Moments Theater and
when she walked up to the house and pulled out her keys she started
crying - - she knew - again - that Jim would not be waiting inside to
hear about the show.
During the evening three people
came up to her, " We just heard, Ellouise. We did not know about Jim."
Sweet, lovely really, but it brings her to tears and she has to turn
away. She says, "I hope they understand. I appreciate their caring but
---- it's hard to talk about."
She asked her
bereavement counselor, "how long is this going to keep on?" and she says
back, "its different for everybody - and 7 months is not much time, you
know. You and Jim were together 57 years."
compliment her - "you are so brave." or "you are doing so well." and I
hear her telling her sister - "If they want to think I am OK - let
them. I am not brave nor am I doing well - but I fake it and make
people think I am. Sometimes even I think I am fine - and then pow - a
tsunami of emotion knocks me over. I am perfecting my deep breathing."
These are the tough spots.
new kitten named Angel is a bright spot. She is funny and cuddly and
brings joy to both Ellouise and Jim's dog Leia. Have you ever had a
despondent dog? They are deeply grieving and they can't talk it through -
but in Leia's case - this kitten has brought back her spirit. Its a
touching thing to watch. She is coming out so much that she even lets
Ellouise pet her - and that is amazing.
Amazing is good.