A Surprise on Valentines Day

Valentine's Day I went out to Arlington National Cemetery carrying roses for Jim and found a surprise waiting.

In the six days since I was there last they had set the new tombstone with Jim's name engraved on the stone. I knew it was coming. In fact I had called to check on it. They told me it would be about five months after the burial August 1 - and it was.

I was grateful the workmen who set the stone were so respectful of the stones I have brought from our travel collection and left there since August. They replaced them carefully - arranged almost exactly as I had.  Another evidence of the honor and care they give to the deceased and to the families.

But I was not prepared for my feelings.

Sad and glad.

Jim died March 6, 2012 - so we are only 17 days away from his one-year anniversary. If March 6th had come and gone without the stone in place I know I would have been disappointed and sad. However - not having any warning - left me breathless.

The presence of the stone feels like a period - an ending. Another chapter of Jim's book closes.

But, I don't think of it as the final chapter in the book I share with Jim. It is just different.

I am comforted by that.

Remembering Valentine's Day

Remembering Valentine's Day.

Last year Jim was in Sibley Hospital in Washington, DC on Valentine's Day - his final hospitalization.

He arranged with our son Jim to bring in this rose so that when he asked me to get him something for the cabinet on Valentine's morning - - it was waiting for me to find it.

Jim was a darling "romantic" and he loved Valentine's Day. From the time we were dating he gave me a single rose - and often something else. I cooked a special dinner. Less special when there were also "kids" under foot - more later when we were an empty-nest couple.


Today - I have the card, cannot find the vase which I did bring home from the hospital -

 but I have this picture and a very dear memory - actually many very dear and sweet loving memories.

Today I will turn the car radio to 50s on 5 on Sirius Radio and drive to Arlington National Cemetery with a single rose - - and wrap myself in those memories.

I recently read a book - Understanding Your Grief  - in which the doctor-author talks not of healing your grief but of reconciling it in with the new life you are living.

I am trying to do that.